At the end of March, I flew back to Baghdad to spend Eid al-Fitr with family, marking the end of a 3-month trip across Southeast Asia. I was so happy to make it back home. Connecting with family and friends never fails to excite me.

On April 2nd, Eid’s final day, I was out with friends for dinner. Catching up and enjoying the night. Fully present. Then came a message that literally shocked me. A WhatsApp from our product manager. He had just heard the news. I was impacted.

I had no idea what he meant. It was confusing. I thought he messaged the wrong person. I checked my personal email. This looks real. Access was cut instantly: Slack, VPN, email. All inaccessible at once. What a harsh measure.

Later, I learned that even my direct manager didn’t know about it. None of the people who knew me or worked with me directly had any clue. It wasn’t their call.

That week was one of the hardest I’ve ever had. I couldn’t think straight for days. I was angry and deeply disappointed.

Not just because I lost a job at a company I loved, working with colleagues I admired. But because it hit something deeper… my confidence. I didn’t even question the decision. I just assumed I had failed somehow. I got lost in a vicious cycle trying to figure out what I had done wrong. I couldn’t find an answer. Not yet.

Most of my team were impacted too. We were engineers building things we believed in. We weren’t underperforming. We weren’t warned. Not once. Frankly, I had a salary raise just two months before the event. My performance metrics were good. I had no clue such a thing could possibly be coming.

So who made the decisions? From what I gathered, a small group was tasked to make a sacrifice list. I don’t know their criteria, but I suspect it was primarily based on team capacity. If they figured a team could function “sufficiently” with two engineers instead of five, three would be let go.

The selection criteria is still a mystery, but I’m aware that some lucky folks were safely out of scope due to legal complications. Full-time employees in several countries. I was hired as an independent contractor. An easy target for immediate termination.

In the end, I came to realize it had nothing to do with me. Or my performance. Or team fit. Or future potential. Just circumstances, legalities, and cold calculations. A financial difficulty masked as restructuring.

Before I end, I want to say this clearly: Automattic was a great company. I worked with people I admired. I grew. I built things that mattered. I’m still grateful. And I still have deep respect for the company and its mission.